On February 4 the Varsity Derby League held our first ever intra-league bout ‘Varsity Bruise’ at the Tuggeranong Southern Cross Stadium where the Cheerbleeders beat the PhDemons 131-80.

Despite the bout being a closed event, friends and family only, we sold close to 500 tickets and it was an amazing night, pumped full of energy from the crowd.

Varsity Bruise by Mr Kat A. Wall

A massive effort went into organising the event and it’s important to acknowledge the work of ‘Bout-Comm’, the team behind the scenes, the volunteers and players who made it all work on the night and all our friends and family for actually showing up.

PhDemon Boudica Babekiller has a special place in her heart for all these folks, saying one of the best parts of the night for her was: “Not giving a toss about the final score line, but just feeling massive amounts of lurby for my team mates, for the CheerBleeders, for the NSOs and vollies and even the refs.”

White Star volunteer Pixie Punch was happy to be there, “My favourite moments were that I actually participated!”

PhDemon benchie Diazeslam loved the sound of her screaming fans.

“My favorite part was the crowd, they were amazing and so supportive!

“Also so many members of VDL pitching in to get set up and all of the vollies and NSO’s helping out – to have so much support within the league for Varsity Bruise is a sign of a healthy and happy league.”

Head coach Sarge Drool said he had many “proud dad” moments at the after party.

“For me it was taking a dream for a lot of people and helping to make it happen,” Sarge said, “Love you all and thank you, I’m so proud of you all.”

But it wasn’t all lurby.

As the first skater to get an insubordination major, spending two minutes on the bench for flipping the bird at ref Sheriff Von Naughty-Slams (amongst other things) I have to say I will never forget the feeling of suddenly remembering my mother was watching me in the crowd.

While I had my finger in the air and my potty mouth open.


But PhDemon coach Colonel Slanders will also treasure this moment forever.

“Getting to work to be told by my boss that she’d been listening to ABC radio and heard a woman talking about the bout and how she got sent off.

“Then me full of pride announcing that woman was from my team and how it was the most epic of dummy spits ever, then re enacting how she flipped the ref the bird in front of the CEO.

“Tee hee I couldn’t have been anymore proud. Naughty Roller you made me so happy! You all make me happy,” Slanders said.

The good Sheriff has a different special memory, “Favourite moments were when I was running outside, back to the crowd and eyes on the pack and there would be a massive blocker on blocker hit… and then about half a second later this huge wave of noise would roar out from behind me. Truly epic.”

Fellow ref ReflCopter was most proud of his Brisbane City Roller fan girls who had fluorescent signs in the suicide pit.

“I side surfed around a downed skater! And I blew my whistle. And I had fangirls! And I didn’t stack. And all the skaters were amazing,” ReflCopter said.

But there were a lot of wonderful derby spills and hits that night.

PhDemon Tank Grrl said, “Most bizarre

[moment] was somehow skating though Tori’s legs in the middle of a jam!! Was hilarious!!”

PhDemon mascot Vivzilla remembered an impressive Tori Smack stack, naming “Tori’s skirt being around her ears after an epic hit” as one of her favourites.

Cheerbleeder Junk Punch put on a fabulous display, only jamming and never blocking.

“My highlight was an amazing whip from Tori Smack which flicked me straight passed Kat A Wall for me to call off the jam,” Junk said.

“It was such a perfect play that I screamed and jumped around on the bench after.”

Cheerbleeder Bubble O’Kill also loved that moment but said there were too many to pick one:

“Geez too many moments!” she said, “The Junk/Smack whip was awesome!”

“actually getting to play, the NSOs trying so hard to be neutral and not talk to us; not falling over in roll out (win!); polite, mildly spoken Collider making repeat trips to the bin; Smack getting ejected; Cruel Roller’s send off; knocking over jammers; racing the pack; change room bonding; air hip checks at the after party; Jillie’s hiccups on the way home; the ‘oooohhhhhh’ of the crowd when we had massive stacks on; Sarge and Mish being so calm and positive the whole time; Pitts trying to force me to get over the pivot line when we were slowing stuff down; being the only blocker from my team left on the track after an error with bin procedures; still standing when a mass of people stack in front of you; evading a Kat block; high-fiving CRDL gals at the end; ahhhh man the list could go on forever!”

Non-skating official Wykedly Wyld agreed with Bubble’s NSO call.

“I can safely say that most of us NSO were trying so hard not to cheer for all of you and to clap and talk to you,” Wyld said, “It was awesome to watch!”

But it was still the love of our spectators that made us all gush, particularly our smallest fan-girl Merryn.

As Tank Grrl said, “[There was an] awesome moment of being called out of the changing room coz some children wanted to meet Tank!

“Was so so cute! And being asked for photos and autographs (having to sign in wrist guards and think of a derby signature – haha)

“It was a fantastic feeling kids saying they cant wait to play and to be derby girls when they grow up!”

Cheerbleeder Legz Helleven said she was pleased her brother gave up watching all-star rugby to come watch her play.

“Hearing people chant my name… I’d daydreamed of that since I first picked my derby name,” Legz said, “It’s the first silly little girl dream that’s ever come true!”

Although Shirley Slammin’ Time said this was her favourite moment, we’re not convinced this is totally cool from friends and family: “These two woman who came up to merch and asked to swap t-shirts when they realised their team t-shirt that they had bought 30mins ago were loosing.”

As a PhDemon, you people know who you are and I hope your derby girls whoop your ass.

Malicia Sintent thought it was cool to see where all these crazy derby girls come from,

“I also really liked getting to meet so many players families and seeing how proud they were and thanking them for their support,” Sin said.

Debut bout? Success.